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This spirited discussion was not something we anticipated when the first article on the topic was published. In responding to the ongoing discussion we have struggled to better understand the mindset of the men who complain about this issue which goes by the label, "Small Penis Syndrome". In the current essay, we want to present our working understanding of the psychology behind Small Penis Syndrome, and we want to talk about what men who are dealing with this issue can do to help themselves to feel better. What we have to say about these men comes from our observations of the comments they have left in response to Dr. Schwartz's essays, and some of the interactions that have occurred therein.

Penetrate myself with my own penis

Penetrate myself with my own penis

These potential complications of a kwn penis suggest why the human penis has not evolved to be larger. Instead, I Nude angel teen sex out and got myself a lengthy jelly dong. MORE: 19 awkward sex things nobody prepared us for. We do not become anxious about a situation unless that situation feels threatening to us. Consistency in reporting sensitive sexual behaviours in Britain: change in reporting bias in the second and third National Surveys of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles Natsal-2 and Natsal Threads collapsed expanded unthreaded.

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This spirited discussion was not something we anticipated when the first article on the topic was published. In responding to the ongoing discussion we have struggled to better understand the mindset of the men who complain about this issue which goes by the label, "Small Penis Syndrome". In the current essay, we want to present our working understanding of the psychology behind Small Penis Syndrome, and we want to talk about what men who are dealing with this issue can do to help themselves to feel better.

What we have to say about these men comes from our observations of the comments they have left in response to Dr. Schwartz's essays, and some of the interactions that have occurred therein. In making statements about the psychology of an entire group of men we will be drawing a sort of caricature or composite image; something that describes issues this group of men faces in the broad sense, but maybe doesn't perfectly fit any individual case.

We know this, and don't want anyone to feel that every thing we say here must specifically apply to them. The men who self-identify as having a small penis that affects their lives in substantively negative ways and who have commented to this effect on Mental Help Net tend to share characteristics in common.

A certain psychological rigidity, obsessionality or fixation is present. These men are absolutely adamant in their conviction that their genitalia are too small. They insist that they have measured themselves and seem inordinately focused on such measurement. They are similarly convinced that they are incapable of pleasing a woman via intercourse, although they are, by and large, not able to cite much evidence to show that this is true. In fact, many of these men admit to having had few or no sexual experiences.

There is an implication that some of the few sexual experiences had by some of these men were with prostitutes. Many may have had only a single sexual encounter. Others state that they avoid sexuality entirely as they feel deeply ashamed of their penis size. All of these men affirm the belief that women would universally treat them with contempt if they were to see them nude. These men with Small Penis Syndrome are very much focused and fixated on women and what women want or don't want.

They seem to view females as ridiculing, castrating, powerful and "goddess like". The "goddess" energy that is attributed to women is less the positive sexuality of an Aphrodite , however, and more the devouring energy of a Kali. The classical image of the " Vagina Dentata " the mythic toothed vagina that can bite your penis off comes to mind.

This highly idealized and unrealistically threatening view of "all women" at least of "all women" who are potential sexual partners , and the associated avoidance behavior and consequent lack of actual peer relationships with women when such relationships are longed for so achingly is consistent with the idea that Small Penis Syndrome involves, in some cases, a variety of anxiety disorder along the lines of Social Phobia Social Anxiety Disorder.

These men engage in avoidance behavior and express deep and fundamental fears about their appearance, ability to perform sexually, and their social adequacy. This fear is further perpetuated by very distorted thinking about women and sexuality. The anxiety and shame and lack of actual relationship experience characteristic of men with Small Penis Syndrome leads them to feel hopeless and depressed and in some cases, suicidal.

This much is clear from statements within comments some of these men have left concerning how they feel miserable and wish to die. The cognitive rigidity present in mens comments is consistent with the idea that an anxiety disorder or depressive issue is present. These men display prominent cognitive biases in that they easily accept information that tends to confirm their perception of self as inadequate, but reject information that is contrary to their convictions.

Only data that convinces them of the smallness of their size and the hopelessness of their existential position is taken seriously and accepted as fact. Our attempts to argue points of fact with these men were adamantly rejected, and we were more than once accused of holding out false hope when we claimed that having a small penis did not have to be the end of the world. Small penis syndrome may be describing something more than simple anxiety and depression issues in some cases. The degree of rigidity of beliefs about the penis and about the rejecting nature of women is very high in some of these men, suggesting something akin to a personality disorder, or, more simply, a developmental delay that some of these men may have experienced in terms of their social maturity, perhaps as a consequence of the trauma of their shame over their small penis.

It appears that in some cases, these men's view of women remains cast in the relationship of boy to mother or, if you prefer, worshiper to goddess , rather than adult man to adult woman. There is little sense of these men believing they are in peer relationships with women. We have come up with the term "Inverted Narcissism" in our attempts to try to characterize the nature of the developmental delay we've perceived occurring in Small Penis Syndrome.

To understand what we mean by inverted narcissism, it is first important to understand the psychological term "narcissism". Fundamentally, narcissism refers to a person's excessive interest in their self and in the way they look.

The narcissist displays a grandiose way of thinking about their own talents, beauty, masculinity or femininity and intelligence. While they have an inflated sense of self-worth, they are generally devaluing and dismissive of others. In fact, to the narcissist, other people are generally not treated as peers, but instead as mere objects to be exploited for selfish motives.

A very clear example of a male narcissist would be the "Casanova" who promises women everything in order to exploit them for sexual favors and who abandons them after having gotten what he wants from them. Inverted Narcissism is a form of narcissism where the roles of exploited and exploiter are reversed from their classical position. The inverted narcissist views himself as nothing more than an object - in this case a penis - to be exploited by others.

Other people - in this case potential sexual partners - are seen as all powerful, beautiful, exploiting and derisive.

Women are believed to want nothing from a man except a large penis. Women, always cruel and capricious in this view, will abandon men if their penis fails to satisfy. Women will reject any man with a small penis in the most derisive way possible. In trying to understand the psychology of Small Penis Syndrome, we have had to grapple with the question of what constitutes a small penis.

Most of the men who have written us have supplied their penis measurements it is a habit of such men to do so. When we have compared such measurements against the few scientifically constructed sampling distributions of male penis size we've found what we've often noted is that the penises of the men writing to us are within the average range of penis size length anyway when considered statistically e. They have been on the minus side in many cases, but still within this area of central tendency.

Other men have written to us with penises that are smaller than that, but still generally within two standard deviations. When we have tried to point this out, we've been told that our sampling distribution reference points were smaller than the "true" average. Informal websites such as www. We don't know what the true population penis size is; we can only estimate based on samples. The controversy over which samples to use, with us favoring samples that appeared to have been better constructed but with smaller sample sizes and smaller average penis lengths and the readers favoring samples showing the largest average lengths got us thinking, however.

How could we or anyone know when someone actually has a small penis versus a case where the person's penis is actually truly average sized if on the minus side of average but firmly believes themselves to be small because that person is comparing against a biased sample. Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a condition where a consistent perceptual distortion exists a delusion if you will that the body or a part of the body is larger or smaller than it actually is.

While BDD is usually identified with anorexia and other eating disorders, it appears to be relevant to this preoccupation with penis size as well. It appears to us that some men have perfectly adequate penises based on the measurements they've communicated.

These penises are not going to break any world records, but they are probably just fine, however, these men are firmly convinced that they are hopelessly inadequately small. There is a question as to whether this scenario is an example of BDD. In other words, do these men: A have a perceptual delusion in which the self is seen as small when self is really average or, B do these men represent cases where even the average man is seen as small, based on a belief that no truly average man could possibly satisfy any women?

Instead, "B" may be a distortion of the "reference point" against which the body is compared, rather than a distortion of perception of the body's size. Beyond the Social Anxiety, Depression, hopelessness, cognitive rigidity, suicidality, possible social maturity developmental issues and the possibility of whether a Body Dysmorphic Disorder type issue is playing out for some of these men, there are a few other observations we can make.

These men are angry. They are angry with themselves expressed as self hatred and depression , and with women. They are angry, in some cases, at the world. They maybe view themselves as being in a similar situation to the tortured one that the mythic figure Tantalus found himself in.

Tantalus was punished by the gods by being immersed in water he could not drink, and being nearby a fruit tree whose boughs would blow away from his hand when he grasped at fruit. Tantalus was starving and thirsty in the midst of apparent plenty. These men are distrustful. They do not trust that any woman would ever tell them the truth. If a women were to say, honestly, that she found them attractive and a good lover, they would think that she was lying to make them feel better.

It is impossible in the mindset of some of these men to conceive of the idea that a woman could ever accept them. When acceptance is actually offered, it is so dissonant with this conviction that it is just dismissed as an obvious lie. These men are focused almost entirely upon how to please a woman rather than how a woman could please them.

This is consistent with the idea that Social Phobia Social Anxiety Disorder is present, and with the idea of inverted narcissism. More fundamentally, these men do not believe that they are or ever could be adequate sexually. They are sure that engaging in foreplay could somewhat gratify a woman but penetration will necessarily end in failure because their penis is not "big enough". And, of course, they seem to believe that all women demand penetration; that it is not possible for women to have a satisfying sexual experience without penetration.

There is no medical procedure that we know of that can reliably and safely enlarge a small penis. For us, as psychotherapists, the question becomes, "Given that I have this problem that cannot be fixed, what can I do to reduce its impact on myself so that I can live a happier life?

Our thoughts about how to answer this question follow. While these suggestions are intended as useful aids to all men, they might be especially helpful to the men who are extremely angry, hopeless and depressed because they are convinced that they are not well enough endowed.

Cognitive therapy and appraisal theory have taught us that how we think about and judge situations causes and shapes our emotional reactions to those situations. We do not become anxious about a situation unless that situation feels threatening to us. Not all situations that feel threatening actually are, however. And not all threats are actually all that dangerous either. In the case of Small Penis Syndrome, it seems to us that there are common habits of thought and common beliefs frequently present that are not necessary and which make the situation more difficult and painful than it has to be.

By identifying what those thought habits and beliefs are and taking steps to correct them, a fair amount of the pain and difficulty of this issue can likely be avoided. The most important thought habits to watch out for are rigidity, over-certainty, and a tendency to over-generalize.

As we've pointed out, men with Small Penis Syndrome tend to fixate on the idea that they are hopelessly inadequate, that all women will reject them, that all women are lying if they don't reject them, etc.

There is no room to move from this position, and yet these beliefs, in their rigid over-certainty simply cannot be true in all cases. No real work on cognitive biases and faulty beliefs can occur until these men become aware and accept that they might just be wrong in some cases.

It is important for men bothered by the size of their penis to identify and correct any distorted beliefs they may have regarding their small penis. An important first step is simply identifying whether one's penis is actually small in the first place. Answering that question gets directly to the concept of reference points; that which you are comparing your penis against. There are two kinds of reference points that matter here; those that reflect the average penis size in the community e.

The more you intimately reveal yourself in questions and back stories, the more fap value it has. Foreplay is very important as it helps you both: stimulate each other, build up the passion and intensify pleasure. Vote B. Have An Opinion? They deserve it.

Penetrate myself with my own penis

Penetrate myself with my own penis

Penetrate myself with my own penis

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27 things men need to hurry up and learn about having sex with women | Metro News

Women recalled model size accurately using this method, although they made more errors with respect to penis length than circumference. These first estimates of erect penis size preferences using 3D models suggest women accurately recall size and prefer penises only slightly larger than average.

This is an open access article distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution License , which permits unrestricted use, distribution, and reproduction in any medium, provided the original author and source are credited. Competing interests: The authors have declared that no competing interests exist. Both men and women often have reported discomfort with the appearance of their genitals. While not as common of a concern as body weight, muscularity, amount of head hair and body hair, or height, penis size was a concern for Concerns about genital appearance are unique compared to other concerns about physical appearance.

First, only intimate partners generally know the appearance of genitals. In contrast to the penis, body weight, acne, and other features are easily observed, informing feelings of attraction early in interactions. While indicators of penis size include ethnicity [ 2 ] and finger length and ratio [ 3 , 4 ], most proposed cues of penis size, including male height and foot size [ 5 ], weight [ 6 , 7 ], shoe size [ 8 ], and age [ 9 ], are unreliable.

Second, no diet, pill, or exercise regime affects the size or shape of genitals. However, about half of men in one study believed that they could change their penis size through non-surgical means [ 10 ]. Little can be done to change the appearance of the penis. Contrary to some public opinion, it also is worth noting that discomfort with the appearance of the penis is not impacted [ 11 ], or is positively impacted [ 12 ], by viewing sex films.

These anxieties may be unnecessary. Furthermore, most men seeking surgery to increase their penis size e. Of course, penis size need not affect sexual functions like orgasm, sexual drive, or pain experience. However, men who are less satisfied with their penis report more sexual health problems [ 17 ].

A smaller penis decreases sexual confidence [ 18 ], which may be why penis size is related to sexual function. The context of the sexual relationship could influence penis size preferences. For example, the goal of the sexual interaction with a one-night partner tends to be pleasure [ 20 ].

Women recognize that infection risks are higher from a one-night partner [ 21 ]. While women adjust their behaviors for this risk, being less likely to engage in anal sex [ 22 ] and more likely to use condoms [ 23 ] with one-night partners, such risky behaviors themselves are often experienced as pleasurable [ 24 ].

On the other hand, vaginal intercourse always causes tears in the vaginal mucosa [ 25 ] especially in the sensitive posterior fourchette [ 26 ], so women might prefer a smaller penis less likely to stress their physiology for regular, long-term mates. Thus, women might shift their preferences for penis size depending on the type and duration of sexual relationship. Studies of penis size preference to date have relied on numerical size estimates, vague qualitative descriptions, or 2-D line drawings.

For example, some studies have asked participants to specify penis length preferences in centimeters [ 27 ]. Another study asked participants to indicate their preference from reading erotic passages with three qualitative penis size options small, medium, large [ 28 ]. Yet, humans judge sizes most accurately when visual and haptic information are available together [ 29 ].

Both sources of data are usually available in sexual interactions. Thus, in this study, three-dimensional 3D models were used with the hope of increasing accuracy, ecological validity, and external validity. Also, most studies of penis size preference have portrayed or asked about the penis in its flaccid state [ 30 , 31 ].

It is unclear how well flaccid size reflects erect size. Of course, intercourse can occur only with a sufficiently rigid penis [ 36 ]. Thus, it seemed important to characterize preferences for penis size in its erect state. Three-dimensional 3D printing is just beginning to be used to assess shape perception and categorization.

On the one hand, visual 2D information as compared to haptic information from 3D result in similar solutions for object similarity [ 37 ]. Each mode of information visual or haptic also improves categorization in the other domain [ 38 , 39 ]. Haptic information from 3D objects improved shape identification compared to raised lines alone [ 40 ] and improves later performance in the visual domain [ 41 ], possibly by improving discriminability [ 42 ].

Also, haptic information is robust to differences in perceptual acuity, such as occur with aging [ 43 ], which make such stimuli attractive when the visual acuity of participants may vary. This study extends the existing work using 3D stimuli to assess size preferences. Yet there are relatively few studies of erect penis size.

This may reflect cultural taboos against researchers or doctors interacting with men who are in a sexually aroused state. Two studies of erect penis sizes provided kits for home measurement [ 47 , 48 ]. Pharmacologically-induced, physician-measured erections identified an average length of Women prefer more masculine partners for shorter-term sexual relationships [ 20 ].

Women also value intelligence more, and attractiveness less, for long term, as compared to short term, partners [ 49 ]. Since a larger penis size is perceived as more masculine [ 53 , 54 ], we predict women will prefer a larger penis for shorter-term sexual relationships.

Women likely make penis size judgments partly using their recalled experiences. Yet, it is unclear how accurately women can recall penis size. Exposed to nude male images, women do attend to the genital area [ 55 , 56 ].

Based on previous studies see above about the distributions of penis length and circumference, the average American erect penis length was estimated as 6 inches This resulted in length ranging 4. This yielded a 10 X 10 matrix of possible sizes. However, such a large choice set could overwhelm participants. Shading indicates the average penis length and girth in the USA. Units are in inches. The penis model shape was a cylinder, representing the shaft, topped by a dome, representing the penis head see Fig 2.

Of course, the human penis shaft is comprised of three corpora that could be better represented by a rounded triangle and a more complex glans. Also, no veins, testicles, or other details of the penis were portrayed. These details were not represented for three reasons. First, there are no mathematical descriptions available to accurately represent normal proportions of more complex penile structure.

Second, women generally rate male nudes as less attractive than heterosexual men rate female nudes [ 57 ], so making the penis model more realistic might have provoked negative responses. Third, the study was focused on overall penis size, not penis shape or surface details. While one motivation behind the current study was to improve the ecological validity of the stimuli, these concerns suggested starting with a more simplistic, erect penis model. B Examples of 4 of 33 3D models showing length in inches.

A and D represent the largest and smallest models in the set, respectively; B and C represent the two models counterbalanced used to test recall for size. Dimensions of commercial penile models do not vary systematically, so they were not appropriate for research purposes. Files were created using object-oriented Tinkercad [ 58 ] and compiled to.

Models were light-weight, sturdy plastic with a smooth surface see Fig 1. After printing, models were checked by measuring tape to ensure accuracy of length and circumference. None required reprinting for accuracy. The models were identified by randomly assigned letters e. Baskets were randomly shuffled between participants to reduce selection bias.

The flyers stated that women were requested to volunteer for a study concerning sexuality. The flyer did not mention penis size preferences. Women volunteered by either phone or an online form requesting a phone call.

They completed a phone screening to confirm their eligibility e. Afterwards, they were given a chance to ask questions, then the experimenter asked whether they still wish to participate. If the participant verbally consented, the experimental protocol started. The Informed Consent document stated that continuing at this stage constituted consent.

Participants never provided their names. Next, the participant answered questionnaires described below presented on a computer in a private room, using a secure connection, on private laboratory server space scripted by the first author in php5.

This took about 50 minutes and included the penis size preference tasks and questionnaires see below. Computer presentation of questionnaires has been shown to increase the reporting of socially less desirable behaviors [ 60 ].

After the questionnaires, she completed a minute computer task data to be reported elsewhere assessing attention to sexual images. The self-report questionnaires included demographic information e. These were used to characterize the sample. Other personality questionnaires were included, such as the Sexual Desire Inventory [ 61 ] and the Sociosexual Orientation Scale [ 62 ] to characterize the sample.

After completing the other questionnaires, the experimenter entered with one of the two test models. Two of the original 33 models were randomly selected and reprinted indicated in black cells in Fig 2. The experimenter informed the participant that she would be handed a model. She was instructed that she would be asked to try to recall the size of the model after inspecting it. During the inspection, she was asked not to measure the model using any objects in the room, but no instruction was provided regarding how she used her own hands.

The participant recorded the letter code from the bottom of that model into the computer. The delayed-recall task was similar, except this time, the participant did not immediately search for the model. Instead, she was given ten minutes to complete the penis size preference questionnaire below.

After this, the participant was instructed to attempt to locate the second model from the 33 described above. The test models were counter-balanced, so the recall type immediate or delayed would not be confounded with test model size larger or smaller.

Penetrate myself with my own penis

Penetrate myself with my own penis

Penetrate myself with my own penis