Do guys think about sex-How Often Do Men and Women Think About Sex? | Psychology Today

Verified by Psychology Today. Married and Still Doing It. Over my career as a sex therapist, I have had the opportunity to sit with thousands of men as they've discussed their sexual feelings, sex lives, and fantasies. Men have massive amounts of testosterone coursing through their bodies, pushing and driving them toward sexual expression. Erections spring at the slightest provocation in young men.

Do guys think about sex

Do guys think about sex

What is PT-compliant? By Tom Philip. Gender Differences and Decision-Making. So what constitutes a thought, anyway? A new article reviews what we know about people who are "mostly heterosexual. Some of my male friends would be lucky to have even flowers and a romantic dinner produce any enticement.

Bondage nurses. The scientist behind a new study explains the results.

Tell us what you think If you have an everyday psychological phenomenon you'd like to see written about in this column please get in touch tomstafford or ideas idiolect. Tightness and hotness are great…at first. How often do men and women think about sex Submitted by Roseanna Cummings on October 21, - am. If he has had many lovers, he's got a habit of sex and getting back to the old, fat and unattractive, should an attractive, young and sexually ready woman Ebony teens pussy galleries available, mercy, it's wall to wall, no stopping desire. They armed a group of toyear-olds with handheld tally counters and told them to track their thoughts about sex, food, and sleep. Imagine them walking away from the psychology department, holding the clicker in Do guys think about sex hand, trying hard not to think about sex all Do guys think about sex time, yet also trying hard to remember to press the clicker every time they did think about it. A new study showed the brain's response to pornography is different than drugs. Counting the number of times in one day is nonsense. This post has made things a little bit clearer on this subject. My wife makes up excuses not to have sex, and other women just go with the flow and are happy to feel desired. While some thought about sex only Honking tits handful of times a day, others both men and women thought about it times a day or more. Hey, Libido, Ditto. Hoffman's method is also contaminated by a white bear effect, though, because participants knew at some point during the day they'd be asked to record what they had been thinking about. Not very.

According to a new study, men do think about sex more than women, but not by much.

  • We've all been told that men think about you-know-what far too often — every seven seconds, by some accounts.
  • As a couples therapist, I see quite a great deal of miscommunication about sex between partners.
  • Sexiness is all about the nuance of your being.
  • Quick: What are you thinking about right now?

As a couples therapist, I see quite a great deal of miscommunication about sex between partners. And this is in the rare scenario where there is any communication at all. Generally, each partner thinks that the way they think about sex is obvious to the other, and nothing could be further from the truth. Here I come, like a psychology-wielding superhero, to vanquish common misunderstandings about sex for once and for all. Also, I create world peace. Here are the most common incorrect assumptions that men make about sex, with my rebuttals after each.

Frequent and strong sexual desire and thoughts should be natural and normal for all people in long-term relationships. These people are usually either men, or they are women who feel close, relaxed and attractive, or who are in a new and exciting relationship. Note the lack of qualifiers after the subset "men. However, all the recent research shows that sex drive in women tanks in monogamous relationships see What Do Women Want? So basically, it is entirely normal and natural for your wife NOT to want to have sex with you, unfortunately.

The facts of the matter are that if your wife is experiencing decreased sexual desire, it is entirely normal. She is likely hitting the trifecta of libido-killers for women: long-term monogamy, exhaustion and body image issues the latter two particularly apply after having kids.

Furthermore, any resentful feelings she has about you or the relationship in general, or anything that makes her feel insecure, will also kill her sex drive. If any or many of these issues apply, she will have to apply some real effort to get into a sexual mood, and this is completely normal. See Mating in Captivity for a more in-depth discussion of why your wife is normal in not wanting to have sex more. Sorry, buddy. Most married couples are having sex at least three times a week, if not more.

Check out this chart. Almost half of married couples with husbands aged fall into the "a few times a month to once a week" category. And only 5. And who knows about these guys, anyway, because this chart doesn't distinguish between how long couples have been married for, whether they have kids, whether their wives are pregnant or nursing or whether one or both suffers from depression, anxiety or any other condition that would dampen sexual desire.

From my clinical experience and Moms Night Out confidences, married fathers of small children are having sex a bit less than once a week on average. Pretty much, they aim for one to two times a week and then life and small kids get in the way of that aspiration.

Co-sleep much? Au contraire , women generally do not want the primary focus of the sexual encounter to be on their pleasure.

Instead, I hear female clients share frequent fantasies of being with men who are overpowered by lust and desire. If a woman feels like her partner has the sole goal of giving her an orgasm, it is quite a lot of pressure and can make her feel self-conscious and awkward. This does not mean that women do not want to enjoy sex; but, they have to feel that their partner is enjoying it at least primarily because he finds her so attractive sexually that he feels urgent desire for her.

Women do not respond well to a man who is trying to use various "techniques" in order to be a better lover. This makes us feel like a sudoku puzzle you are trying to solve. Men who focus on a woman's pleasure read: enjoy giving oral sex are few and far between, but I myself happen to be one of these rare ones note how every male client I have met thinks this.

Dispelling this myth can be my great contribution to humanity. If I had a nickel for every time I heard a man say that "unlike most guys," he "really likes" to go down on women, I would have enough nickels to build a life size statue of a man going down on a woman.

And then I would auction it off on eBay, because I have children, for God's sake. You are not the minority. Meanwhile, back on Earth, very, very few women in long-term monogamous relationships want frequent oral sex.

Even the hot girls you dated in college that were all about it. Do you know why they were all about it? A few reasons: a they were young and hormonal. Women and men are fairly similar in terms of their sexual peak; it's a myth that men peak at 18 and women at Doesn't this make evolutionary sense?

This myth got propagated probably because women are too shy when young to speak up about what they want in bed, but older women are more confident so may seem more sexual. Then, b you were new and exciting. As I said before, women's libido decreases greatly with monogamy.

Even a few years of college dating is nothing like the monogamy that comes with living with you and your underwear on the floor. Many women find oral sex to be overwhelming too much physical sensation in one place , it may make them feel distant from you physically and emotionally and not to mention, you try it at the wrong time. Many women are likelier to want oral sex when they are already aroused; trying it too early in the encounter may physically hurt and make women feel self-conscious.

When their inhibitions are lowered is a better time to try, but even then, many women do not enjoy it. In my clinical experience, women do not want a man to last forever. This is consistent with what I said before, that women like when men urgently desire them. If you last forever, how urgent is your desire? Not very. Of course, if premature ejaculation within a minute or less is an issue, this can be helped with sex therapy or techniques you can practice yourself.

Also, I should engage in a lot of foreplay, all the time, because women want this. Some do, and others prefer to just start having sex pretty soon into the encounter. For many women, having sex is what gets them into the mood to have more sex. Additionally, if your wife thinks you'll be disrupted in the middle of sex e. Moral of the story: Don't assume your wife wants a long, drawn out sexual experience every time.

Ask her, or see how she responds to something more, say, to the point. If you didn't know this already, this statistic will change your worldview. So your wife is not weird or not in touch with her sexual side. She's just your run-of-the-mill non-intercourse-orgasming woman.

I call BS on that one, friend. I just told you about the whole monogamy and age and babies leads to decreased libido in the majority of females. If you had married that hot young thing, she would be a less hot, less young thing who wants to sit around and watch TV at night too.

You know it's true if you think about it rationally. My wife makes up excuses not to have sex, and other women just go with the flow and are happy to feel desired. If by reasonably quickly, you mean, after the last baby is 5 years old and sleeps through the night.

And also if by that point they've gotten back to working out, eating right, sleeping well and feeling good about who they are as a person and not just as a mommy. In that case, yes, pretty quickly. I beg to differ. Yes, it's normal to masturbate and so on and so forth, BUT people have only a limited amount of energy -- mental, physical and sexual. If you're giving the best of yourself to an Internet person, it's not going to your wife.

I am further willing to bet that it makes your wife feel pretty crappy to know that you're looking at other naked women, many of whom are going to look more conventionally "hot" than she looks or feels that she looks. And the more porn men watch, the less likely they are to be satisfied with the physical appearance and sexual appetites and behaviors of their real life partner.

See 7 above -- did you ever see a porn movie where the woman didn't get off from intercourse? Of course not, yet this is how the majority of women function. Anyway, watching porn is the male equivalent of when your wife sees a movie like The Notebook and then she hates you for a couple of days. On top of this, porn can be addictive. So try and limit it. For more on this topic, see the movie "Don Jon. Now, I am in no way saying that women cannot work on being more open to sex and get more in touch with their sexuality within their marriage and alone, for themselves.

However, the purpose of this post was to discuss the vast differences between what many not all! Discussing this post with your spouse is a great way to see whether you two are on the same or different pages about sex. If you'd like some more reading on this topic, try the excellent book Wanting Sex Again by Laurie Watson. For more, visit me at Dr. US Edition U. News U. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. Newsletters Coupons.

Terms Privacy Policy. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Women go into sex expecting and wanting the focus to be on their pleasure.

I must last as long as I can and be in full control of myself at all times. Women orgasm from intercourse alone pretty frequently. After the baby, most women get their sex drive back reasonably quickly. Watching porn does nothing to hurt our sex life or relationship. And don't worry, next I'll tackle all the ways many women are wrong about sex.

Here I come, like a psychology-wielding superhero, to vanquish common misunderstandings about sex for once and for all. How much do men think about sex, don't care if they are good boys or bad boys, they're all the same, and you are right, sex, food, sleep Additionally, if your wife thinks you'll be disrupted in the middle of sex e. We administered a measure of social desirability, which is the degree to which a person is more concerned about looking good to others rather than telling the truth. We never intended our research to be used to draw conclusions about the entire population. A new article reviews what we know about people who are "mostly heterosexual. Moral of the story: Don't assume your wife wants a long, drawn out sexual experience every time.

Do guys think about sex

Do guys think about sex

Do guys think about sex

Do guys think about sex

Do guys think about sex. Top Navigation

This post has made things a little bit clearer on this subject. I have always had the notion that men think about sex more than women, and I even found it annoying almost because I know a lot of guys flaunt their sex lives when they should just keep it to themselves. I also find it to be really cool that they came up with the golf clicker idea. It's very innovative and cheap. Are the results accurate?

Probably not. But, I do believe it gives decent figures and somewhere to start in a difficult topic to research. Most men would disagree with how many times they think about sex until I walk them through a mall, gym or theater lobby.

While men do fantisize about having sex without external stimulation, they think about it every time they see a potential mate. Take a man through an all female yoga class and his clicker would be clacking away. It is the degree a man thinks about sex that you are trying to measure, not the primal urge. Like the tom, men are always in some degree of arousal. On the light if not crude side, I was once told men are a lot like turkeys. During mating season Toms male turkeys are in a high state of arousal.

If you take a stake, paint the top of it red, every tom in the vicinity will try to mate with it. The hens don't take it personal.

I would have to agree with you on that one Danny Mink. If you took the same group of people and put them together in groups with an equal number males and females no other human influence for a week and then 1 man or woman and the rest were the opposite sex the numbers will be substantially different.

So the eviroment around a person impacts how often we have sexual thought or are aroused. I am a male and I get too many erections during the day. It is so distracting. If I think of an attractive woman whether that is image or audio then I cannot control my reactions. I always wondered how I compare to normal men. It goes like this, on average when a guy is normal, young and around attractive women, and hasn't had sex in the last hour, sometimes a shorter period depending on the women around and his own sexual energy level, he will think about sex on a more or less constant basis.

Alone and in need, maybe as often. But if hungry or sleepy, he'll sleep and eat and forget about sex unless an attractive woman arrives on the scene. I could tell you stories but that's not the point.

When a guy is relaxed and hasn't had sex and want it he will be in a more or less constant state of desire. What's all this one or two times an hour thing? If a guy can get aroused around old fat unattractive women, he's going to think about sex all the time.

If he has had many lovers, he's got a habit of sex and getting back to the old, fat and unattractive, should an attractive, young and sexually ready woman be available, mercy, it's wall to wall, no stopping desire. Wonderful feeling, that. Let's put it another way, being around the same woman day in and day out, being around children, too, being worried and focused on basic needs, sex is not a priority. Genghis Kahn has 15,, related offspring, his entire war strategy centered around sex, and Mongolia's population is proof of this guy who could never get enough.

Basically, guys like variety, they also like war, real guys, that is, they also see life in simplistic terms, sex, food, sleep, war and fun. Junk food, emasculation of the male species, it's not a conspiracy, but it is a tragedy.

Oh Morgan, how you hit the nail on the head pun intended. And the problem these days is men who are not emasculated, i. We have to admit it. Yeah, we will take Dapper Dan for the wining and dining, but when it comes to hot and heavy sex, we want that leather jacket smell. Do bad boys think about sex more than the white collars? I really don't think so, they just hide it better.

How many affairs do the executive types have, probably a lot, the bad boys just don't give a crap and screw anything they can openly. My husband has been impotent for years now and I really don't care, lost my attraction for him way back as he started packing on the pounds, really not attracted to the Pillsbury doughboy type, and find myself reminiscing more about past lovers before I even knew him.

But he still hints at sex, I know it would only frustrate both of us, and yuck, no thank you, but feel free to see if any woman out there will help you out. As women, our desire wanes with menopause, and that is just fine with me, but for him, it's still there. It just proves to him he is still a man if he can get it up.

It's an ego thing, something that is drilled into them since high school, the more you get laid, the more of a man you are.

Would they be like that if there never was that peer pressure, the locker room boasts, who knows. But it becomes a huge turn off as we grow older, a hug and cuddle would be nice without leading to their ultimate He did not, or says he didn't, do I believe him, hell no!

He screwed around just as much as I did. We are products of the 60s and 70s after all. How much do men think about sex, don't care if they are good boys or bad boys, they're all the same, and you are right, sex, food, sleep Many women nowadays are sleeping around so much more than ever before which tells the whole true story right there since they're the biggest cheaters nowadays unfortunately.

I didn't read all the comments but a major difference between males and females about sexual thoughts is likely tied to menstruation cycles of women. Women only have a spike in this hormone once a month while males deal with it on a daily basis. When women do have that spike it is sex, sex, sex as far as I can tell. They dress provocatively and flirt more. Women may have the majority of their sexual thoughts within that one week and have it drop at other times.

Health and lack of sleep may also influence sexual thoughts as well. I do think that some women are hesitant to admit the amount of sexual thoughts they have but males do think and act on their sexual urges more often. Jeff, I too had a thought that men might have this spike of Testosterone on top of our daily dose. I notice that there a periods no pun intended where I think about sex more often than the normal and there are spans of time where it is there but not inherently bothersome.

The next step is to log these times and see if there are times of the month again no pun intended that this happens. Perhaps it is just an innate hindrance from our ancestral days when we mated during a particular season rather than any given night.

You younger people are absolutely wrong about older adults. I am an extremely healthy female. Slim attractive great health emotionally and physically. Work five days per week. See lots of older adults my age and younger. I don't see at any time of the day any age male looking at other females. I see all age groups.

They are always content with the person they are with. I don't know about other men, but the first thing I think about when I encounter any woman is whether or not I'd fuck her. I could care less about her mind or personality. Brian Mustanski, Ph. A new article reviews what we know about people who are "mostly heterosexual.

A new study investigates relationships between gay teens and their parents. A new study showed the brain's response to pornography is different than drugs. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Magazine. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. The Voices You Can Trust.

Brian Mustanski Ph. Follow me on Twitter. The scientist behind a new study explains the results. References Fisher, T. Be sure to read the following responses to this post by our bloggers:. I Googled "How often do men think about sex". Quote: "Remember a healthy Submitted by Anonymoose on August 14, - pm. Hey, Libido, Ditto. As a Submitted by AnonymousChick on December 12, - pm.

Got a better survey design? Tell us about it! How often do men think about sex Submitted by Danny Mink on January 4, - pm. Sorry, your clicker study is horribly flawed but a good attempt. How often do men and women think about sex Submitted by Roseanna Cummings on October 21, - am. Submitted by Scott St. Onge on May 21, - pm.

Interesting article, Brian. Thank you for offering some solid study and statistics on the topic. I am a male and I get too Submitted by Anonymous on September 22, - am.

Menstration Submitted by Jeff on February 5, - pm. Re: Jeff Submitted by mike on January 2, - pm. Seventy two year old female Submitted by Pat on September 20, - pm. How often do you think your man thinks about sex? Is it more than you do? A certified personal trainer, lifestyle and weight management coach and group exercise instructor, she also holds an MA in health journalism and regularly writes about all things fitness and wellness for various online publications.

New Study Sheds Light. By Jennipher Walters. Pin FB ellipsis More. Image zoom. Comments Add Comment. Close Share options. Tell us what you think Thanks for adding your feedback. All rights reserved. Close View image.

What Do Men Really Think About Sex? 9 Brutally Honest Dispatches From A Man | Thought Catalog

We've all been told that men think about you-know-what far too often — every seven seconds, by some accounts.

Most of us have entertained this idea for long enough to be sceptical. However, rather than merely wonder about whether this is true, stop for a moment to consider how you could — or could not — prove it. If we believe the stats, thinking about sex every seven seconds adds up to times an hour. Or approximately 7, times during each waking day. Is that a lot? The scientific attempt to measure thoughts is known to psychologists as " experience sampling ".

It involves interrupting people as they go about their daily lives and asking them to record the thoughts they are having right at that moment, in that place.

Terri Fisher and her research team at Ohio State University did this using 'clickers'. They gave these to college students, divided into three groups, and asked them to press and record each time they thought about sex, or food, or sleep.

If you were asked to record every time you thought about sex during the day, how many times do you think you would admit to it? Using this method they found that the average man in their study had 19 thoughts about sex a day.

This was more than the women in their study — who had about 10 thoughts a day. However, the men also had more thoughts about food and sleep, suggesting perhaps that men are more prone to indulgent impulses in general.

Or they are more likely to decide to count any vague feeling as a thought. Or some combination of both. The interesting thing about the study was the large variation in number of thoughts. Some people said they thought about sex only once per day, whereas the top respondent recorded clicks , which is a sexual thought about every two minutes.

However, the big confounding factor with this study is "ironic processes", more commonly known as the " white bear problem ". If you want to have cruel fun with a child tell them to put their hand in their air and only put it down when they've stopped thinking about a white bear. Once you start thinking about something, trying to forget it just brings it back to mind. This is exactly the circumstances the participants in Fisher's study found themselves in.

They were given a clicker by the researchers and asked to record when they thought about sex or food or sleep. Imagine them walking away from the psychology department, holding the clicker in their hand, trying hard not to think about sex all the time, yet also trying hard to remember to press the clicker every time they did think about it.

My bet is that the poor man who clicked times was as much a victim of the experimental design as he was of his impulses. Always on my mind Another approach, used by Wilhelm Hoffman and colleagues , involved issuing German adult volunteers with smartphones, which were set to notify them seven times a day at random intervals for a week.

They were asked to record what featured in their most recent thoughts when they received the random alert, the idea being that putting the responsibility for remembering onto a device left participants' minds more free to wander. The results aren't directly comparable to the Fisher study, as the most anyone could record thinking about sex was seven times a day. But what is clear is that people thought about it far less often than the seven-second myth suggests.

The real shock from Hoffman's study is the relative unimportance of sex in the participants' thoughts. People said they thought more about food, sleep, personal hygiene, social contact, time off, and until about 5pm coffee.

Watching TV, checking email and other forms of media use also won out over sex for the entire day. In fact, sex only became a predominant thought towards the end of the day around midnight , and even then it was firmly in second place, behind sleep.

Sleep is the thing the average man thinks about most towards the end of the night, apparently Getty Images. Hoffman's method is also contaminated by a white bear effect, though, because participants knew at some point during the day they'd be asked to record what they had been thinking about. This could lead to overestimating some thoughts. Alternately, people may have felt embarrassed about admitting to having sexual thoughts throughout the day, and therefore underreported it.

So, although we can confidently dismiss the story that the average male thinks about sex every seven seconds, we can't know with much certainty what the true frequency actually is.

Probably it varies wildly between people, and within the same person depending on their circumstances, and this is further confounded by the fact that any efforts to measure the number of someone's thoughts risks changing those thoughts. Thoughts aren't like distances we can measure in centimetres, metres and kilometres.

So what constitutes a thought, anyway? How big does it need to be to count? Have you had none, one or many while reading this? Plenty of things to think about! If you have an everyday psychological phenomenon you'd like to see written about in this column please get in touch tomstafford or ideas idiolect.

Open share tools. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter. Follow us on Instagram. Sign up to our newsletter. Around the bbc.

Do guys think about sex

Do guys think about sex

Do guys think about sex